I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize