Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
