all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
