I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
