Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
