best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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