Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's never too late to be topless.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
