My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
