the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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