STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
