Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
