I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize