idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
