I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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