peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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