It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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