The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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