my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
