Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
