Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
