Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
