I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
