The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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