The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
