There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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