What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
