I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
