I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
