i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
