I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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