In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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