I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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