just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
