like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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