so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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