Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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