Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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