I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
