I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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