I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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