the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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