I hope mine doesn't look like that
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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