im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
