Small penises have feelings too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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