If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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