You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
