Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
