you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
