You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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