I think my vagina is haunted
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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