Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
