It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
