Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
