she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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