when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
