They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need to get me chipped asap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
