The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
