just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've blown a few things in my day
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize