Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
jump out the window naked night went bad
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