they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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