We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
