You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
