I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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