Say something about gay babies.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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