I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
