Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
