My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
