it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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