apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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