she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize