You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
