I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
