dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
