i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I need a burrito and a hug.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
