carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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