five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
