So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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