So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
