So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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