is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
