I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
