I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
