He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize