make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
