it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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