Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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