You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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