Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
