I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
