I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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