how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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