I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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