ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
