When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
