On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
