He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
