That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
