can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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