Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
