I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
