you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
