My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
