Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
