i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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