i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
